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The filmography that would make any mother proud and bring actors flocking to your doorstep in the hope of being a part of any future projects!
Okay, so I'm not solely to blame for every one of these flaming piles of cinema garbage. I did co-write and co-direct two of them, (Monsturd and the its sequel, RetarDEAD ... which may be, with very little argument, the worst title in movie history. ) but I only did second unit co-direction and made cameo appearances in the other two. The God Complex and Rectuma are the work of indie schlock legend, Mark Pirro, so you can blame him for those. Honesty, I was rather proud to make an appearance in The God Complex ... it's got some nice production value, impressive special effects, its humor is biting and pretty funny at times and the movie has a great premise ... Rectuma ... not so much, but that's all just part of the cinema sewer hijinks around these here parts, Ya'll! So, perhaps my work is not everyone's cup of tea ... or anyone's for that matter, but it's all part of the zany, madcap comedy cavalcade of ... something ... what was I saying? (WORTHLESS BIT OF TRIVIA: The main cast of Monsturd make a cameo appearance during the climax of Rectuma, and director, Mark Pirro appears in both Monsturd and RetarDEAD as "Police Sketch Artist" so I suppose these movies take place in the same cinematic universe ... like a Marvel or DC film made for $300 dollars.)
Okay, so maybe these movies can be euphemistically categorized as "an acquired taste," but we always did the best we could with what little we had and always brought the sarcasm. The sarcasm budget was huge on these things, hence that horrible title: RetarDEAD ... did I mention how offensive and terrible that title is? Worst in history. Jesus ... what the fuck were we thinking? Oh well, hindsight is 20/20 ... but seriously ... RetarDEAD? Holy fuck ...(sighs ... curses under breath) How did a distributor ever let that pass? What the fuck were THEY thinking, let alone us? Never going to live that one down. Never. I think that movie has some very funny and insane moments and great over-the-top gore effects, but that title. Wow.
Monsturd is a briskly-paced, absurdist monster movie spoof that has its collection of champions ... and, unfortunately, its collection of what might be termed "detractors" or "anti-champions" or "haters" or "people with taste in cinema." But, hell, those people are just jealous assholes and losers who are upset that they were not the first ones to get that concept on the screen. Much like the movie, Blood Feast, there was a method to the madness, and that method got 20,000 copies of Monsturd onto the shelves of Blockbuster Video, so who's laughing now? (Some people watching Monsturd might ask.) Are there still Blockbuster Video stores? I think I still might have some of their DVDs to return. I rented this piece of shit called, Monsturd and I want my money back! See what I did there? You do? What was it? Because I am now totally confused.
Okay, so maybe these movies can be euphemistically categorized as "an acquired taste," but we always did the best we could with what little we had and always brought the sarcasm. The sarcasm budget was huge on these things, hence that horrible title: RetarDEAD ... did I mention how offensive and terrible that title is? Worst in history. Jesus ... what the fuck were we thinking? Oh well, hindsight is 20/20 ... but seriously ... RetarDEAD? Holy fuck ...(sighs ... curses under breath) How did a distributor ever let that pass? What the fuck were THEY thinking, let alone us? Never going to live that one down. Never. I think that movie has some very funny and insane moments and great over-the-top gore effects, but that title. Wow.
Monsturd is a briskly-paced, absurdist monster movie spoof that has its collection of champions ... and, unfortunately, its collection of what might be termed "detractors" or "anti-champions" or "haters" or "people with taste in cinema." But, hell, those people are just jealous assholes and losers who are upset that they were not the first ones to get that concept on the screen. Much like the movie, Blood Feast, there was a method to the madness, and that method got 20,000 copies of Monsturd onto the shelves of Blockbuster Video, so who's laughing now? (Some people watching Monsturd might ask.) Are there still Blockbuster Video stores? I think I still might have some of their DVDs to return. I rented this piece of shit called, Monsturd and I want my money back! See what I did there? You do? What was it? Because I am now totally confused.
All of these movies are streaming and available for viewing for FREE on TUBI and some are available on Amazon Prime if you are feeling masochistic. OOP DVDs of Monsturd and RetarDEAD are available for purchase on eBay.
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Above (Left) is the original VHS cover for the first-ever screener copies produced of Monsturd and (Right) Is the ABSOLUTELY GROTESQUE POLISH DVD COVER (Seriously, what the fuck is going on with that cover art???) It looks a bit like the cover art for a scatological porno film! You would think it couldn't get any worse than the American DVD cover, but the Poles went the extra mile on that one.
